The Arborist
by McCutcheon
The arborist was a prick
With a wooden personality
A thorn in everyone’s side
A weed up the ass of life
With a green thumb being his
Only point of envy
The arborist never bloomed
Just cut and plucked
A real mean dandelion bastard
With no one to talk to
So he told his jokes to the plants,
"You can lead a horticulture
but you can’t make her think"
Ha Ha, he laughed at his own jokes
The plants didn’t laugh back
The arborist was a real mean lawnmower man
Until one day ugly people turned up
At his place of work
The sanctuary of the arboretum
They had pictures of bloody fetuses
And formed a picket line
When the arborist stepped outside
To see what the fuss was about
He was shot dead
Killed by some ignorant, illiterate
Anti-abortionists who couldn’t read
And thought he was a doctor
Instead of a tree specialist
His life was
Neatly nipped in the bud
No one claimed it to be a grave injustice
An example of tragedy in this world
The violent anti-abortionists
Were sent to jail for murder
With a wooden personality
A thorn in everyone’s side
A weed up the ass of life
With a green thumb being his
Only point of envy
The arborist never bloomed
Just cut and plucked
A real mean dandelion bastard
With no one to talk to
So he told his jokes to the plants,
"You can lead a horticulture
but you can’t make her think"
Ha Ha, he laughed at his own jokes
The plants didn’t laugh back
The arborist was a real mean lawnmower man
Until one day ugly people turned up
At his place of work
The sanctuary of the arboretum
They had pictures of bloody fetuses
And formed a picket line
When the arborist stepped outside
To see what the fuss was about
He was shot dead
Killed by some ignorant, illiterate
Anti-abortionists who couldn’t read
And thought he was a doctor
Instead of a tree specialist
His life was
Neatly nipped in the bud
No one claimed it to be a grave injustice
An example of tragedy in this world
The violent anti-abortionists
Were sent to jail for murder