The Couch
by SlothEXT. Night. Matt’s apartment.
INT. Night. Matt’s apartment.
JULIA, MATT and PUSSY MAN are in a barren room drinking and listening to music. They sit on random awkward CHAIRS. They finish the last bottle of wine.
JULIA
Let’s go out and get a drink.
Let’s go out and get a drink.
MATT
Where?
Where?
PUSSY MAN
Cha Cha.
Cha Cha.
EXT. Night. Broadway.
EXT. Night. Capitol Hill
JULIA, MATT and PUSSY MAN are drunkenly walking down OLIVE. All three seem in good spirits. MATT and JULIA are holding hands. PUSSY MAN walks a few feet in front.
EXT. Night. Corner Belmont & Olive
EXT. Night. Corner Belmont & Olive
A dark COUCH sits on the curb.
PUSSY MAN
Hey, a couch.
Hey, a couch.
PUSSY MAN looks around suspiciously and then sits down on the couch. JULIA and MATT join him.
JULIA
This is a nice couch.
This is a nice couch.
MATT
Do you think it will fit in the living room?
Do you think it will fit in the living room?
PUSSY MAN
If we move the tv. Do you think it belongs to anyone?
If we move the tv. Do you think it belongs to anyone?
ALL THREE look around suspiciously. No one is around. MATT and PUSSY MAN lift it.
PUSSY MAN
It’s heavy.
It’s heavy.
MATT
Can’t take it all the way home.
Can’t take it all the way home.
JULIA
Why don’t we take it to your work? Then just pick it up tomorrow.
Why don’t we take it to your work? Then just pick it up tomorrow.
EXT. Night. Belmont.
ALL THREE carry the COUCH to the e works parking lot.
EXT. Night. E Works parking lot.
ALL THREE drop the couch and look at it admiringly.
EXT. Night. Alley.
ALL THREE walk down alley.
EXT. Night. Outside Cha Cha.
PUSSY MAN takes out his wallet and hands I.D. to bouncer. MATT and JULIA wait behind him, then do the same.
INT. Night. Inside Cha Cha.
ALL THREE sit with PINTS of Lucky’s. They CHEERS.
MATT
To the couch.
To the couch.
PUSSY MAN
To the couch
To the couch
JULIA
Prost.
EXT. Morning. Matt’s apartment
INT. Morning. Pussy Man’s bedroom.
PUSSY MAN is sleeping.
INT. Morning. Matt’s bedroom.
MATT and JULIA are sleeping. The ALARM goes off. MATT wakes up. MATT rubs his head.
MATT
Shit. I have to go to work.
Shit. I have to go to work.
JULIA keeps sleeping. Pulls blanket over her head.
EXT. Morning. Broadway.
MATT buys coffee from PLANETARY ESPRESSO.
EXT. Morning. Olive.
MATT walks down Olive sipping his coffee. Passes corner where the COUCH used to be. He seems unaware of last night’s events.
EXT. Morning. E Works parking lot.
MATT walks around corner. CHIP & TIM are looking at the ratty old COUCH blocking their parking spaces. In the daylight the couch is not as nice as it appeared last night.
CHIP
How did this couch get here?
How did this couch get here?
TIM
Wasn’t here when I left last night.
TIM and CHIP see MATT.
CHIP
You know anything about this couch?
You know anything about this couch?
MATT looks surprised. Pretends he is seeing the COUCH for the first time.
MATT
No. Never saw it before. Maybe some of the drunk Indians put it here.
No. Never saw it before. Maybe some of the drunk Indians put it here.
EXT. Morning. E Works parking lot.
PUSSY MAN drives up. He is vigorously waving out the window. He pulls to a stop in front of MATT, CHIP and TIM.
PUSSY MAN
(to Matt)
(to Matt)
All right. The couch is still here! I thought if we left it overnight somebody might steal it. After carrying it from the corner last night….(looks at couch) aw, that’s a piece of shit!