I was reading through the Pax Acidus server log files the other day. I found a web spider crawling around the site. It identified itself as a "browser type" called webclipping.com. So being a responsible webmaster I went and checked them out.
Here is the pitch:
Webclipping.com is the only comprehensive Internet-based monitoring, intelligence gathering and clipping service. Using advanced proprietary searching, verification and database technologies, Webclipping.com helps you meet the Internet monitoring challenge. Our unmatched capabilities give you a valuable management tool that lets you:
track public opinion
protect corporate reputations
gather market intelligence
stay alert to competitive developments
police copyright and trademark abuse
guard against the unauthorized use of
products and services
improve customer service and consumer relations
Now we all know that public opinion is worth buying via advertising, but does anyone actually believe that companies are willing to pay for a service that tracks what McCutcheon and I are saying about them on Pax Acidus?
Webclipping.com charges companies to let them know who is making fun of them, either legitimately or not. Webclipping.com lets companies know when serious literary journals like Pax Acidus and The New York Times say nasty things about pig fuckers like Kraft Brand Macaroni and Cheese...
I hate Kraft Macaroni and Cheese because it makes me sick in my gut. It's all a bunch of rot. No way could ANYBODY make decent food that costs $.79 per packet. Fuck Kraft and I hope all the corporate execs die in a messy 20 car pile up and then go to Hell and have nothing to eat but their own products for all eternity. Bleggh.
Webclipping.com report me. In fact, report all honesty in general and be done with it. Report Art. Report Bill Clinton and Jocelyn Elders. Report the sloths in Central America. Report this madness you call the USA. Report it all!
I may be a geeky Seattleite sloth who reads server logs with his morning coffee, but I am not an idiot. I can suss rather quickly that webclipping.com is a bunch of lowlifes who pander to the paranoia of the Fortune 500 companies like McDonald's hamburgers that kill the planet. Eat me webclipping.com and tell your clients who don't like what i say that they can kiss my Pax Ass-idus!
- written by Sloth